So if there is such a thing as karma, I am deep in its folds. Keith and I are heavy into year 5 or 6, and I figure he has the right to string me along for another couple years before cutting me loose, considering what I put Scott through. That would be karma. On the way home from Allman Brothers last night there was some PSA on 97 rock about people who get married in their late thirties or after have a way better chance of success at marriage. He's all like, "See?? Did you hear that?" And of course, I'm like, "Yeah, I learned that in a class I took in college. So what are you waiting for, Jensen?" Too dark to see his face on our back country road route. Looked like he was smiling, but I can't be sure. Shit if he may not consider he's still in his mid 30's, because he's not yet 38 til September.
Anyhow, it's pretty funny how much I trust this kid. And then how later when we aren't together how much my mind runs away and I see all possibilities of how I shouldn't trrust him, just because of my own insecurities. Just because, how can someone be so freaking amazing? The irony would be my own hang up wrecking everything. I'm fighting it with ever fibre of my being. It's not easy. And I'm not suceeding.
"Don't think me unkind
Words are hard to find
They're only checks i've left unsigned....
Within the chaos of my mind"
I mean, for real,,, could this guy possibly give me any more than he already does? He does it all, except for that which I want the most. I don't give any kind of shit about a big fat shiney ring. I've had that. What matters the most is that I want to lay my head on the pillow next to this man for the rest of my life. Every night. For the rest of my life. Such a sap I am.
Monday, July 23, 2012
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